HIDDEN FEARS

We all have hidden fears and wrong beliefs that come from places we do not yet fully understand. Some, we may understand where they come from and we think they are gone and then BOOM, something triggers what we thought was gone. We find ourselves dealing with it once again.

I used to think that it was bad that I kept dealing with certain things over and over. Even just recently God told me that my obsession with running out of money and not having enough comes from my early beginnings. It is the drive to sustain myself because of fear. It is that old fear that causes me to think I can only count on myself. It is about not wanting to run out because it feels like I will be trapped in a situation that I don't want. You see, I felt trapped as a tiny little girl as I was being passed around through adoption. At two, I my birth mom took me to an adoption agency, and I went to a couple for six months and then they took me back to the adoption agency. Then, I went to the family who would be my permanent family. I had a great family, but I had coping mechanisms I set up and continued to set up from things that happened that I didn't consciously remember.

I no longer beat myself up when something comes up again seemingly out of nowhere. When I think of myself as Daddy's little girl, I am reminded that I will always need reassurance from Him throughout my life. There may be things that continue to come up, but He is the One who always knows how to speak to me and show me what I can't see. Many fears are gone, and wrong beliefs have been corrected, but some remain. This is ok because I trust God in Me to do what I cannot or show me where the issue really lies. He doesn't talk down to me or tell me I shouldn't be struggling with this or that. His compassion and empathy for my humanity is off the charts!!

We are humans who God had shared His divinity with. This doesn't take away our humanity here, therefore, we sometimes still have stuff to work through. It doesn't negate our progress, nor does it make us less righteous and holy. It never makes God view us differently. Our problems here are an opportunity for us do experience just how compassionate God really is towards us and that He cares about every intimate detail of our lives. It reveals how He longs to pour His wisdom to us about our issues for His wisdom is the only wisdom that will transform our lives, and change the stories we have told ourselves, about ourselves.