MY SECURITY BLANKET
I am going to share with you something that I would never have thought of sharing years ago. I used to be quite embarrassed about it but now it does not bother me at all.
I was adopted at two and a half years old. When my parents got me, I had a little shred of a blanket that I always kept with me. I was a scared little girl because I went to a family that kept me for six months and then took me back to the adoption agency. For reasons unknown, it did not work out. So, by the time my parents adopted me I had obviously attached myself to a blanket for security.
The years went by and as I grew the security blanket stayed with me. I had this weird habit of smelling my blanket. I would continuously rub it against my nose smelling it. I had several blankets over the years, and I would cut off little pieces so I could take it with me places.
Fast forward to my early twenties and guess what? The blanket was still with me. Having this blanket and smelling it at night was a release. It was how I managed stress and anxiety, and it was a security to me.
It was in my early twenties when I cried out to Jesus to save me. At this time, He gave me a whole new set of single friends that did not party and were believers. I had one friend that was one of my closet friends, and she is the one and only person at that time that I shared with about my security blanket.
Several months after coming to know Jesus, I began thinking that I really needed to let this security blanket go. But how, I thought. This would be one of the hardest things to let go of. You see I even had a name for my blanket. The name I gave it was “friend.” How would I let go of my friend that had been with me for twenty years? I know it may seem very weird to most, but this was my reality.
The thoughts kept coming that I needed to free myself of this habit. So, one day I was talking with my good friend that I mentioned, and I asked her if she would take the blanket and keep it until I told her to throw it away. I was not confident that I would be able to break this lifelong habit, so if she held onto it, I could always take it back. She said she would and fortunately she never had to give it back and eventually I told her to throw it away. I was free but it was not easy to let go of my lifelong “friend.” The blanket was there for that little girl when her entire world was crumbling beneath her. It was security, but it was false security.
I share this part of my life with you because I was reminded this morning about the fig-leaves or self-righteousness that we wrap ourselves in. The fig leaves become a reality that we must maintain, and it will be up to us to find the love, acceptance, and approval that every human being cannot live without. If we establish our lives on the premise that we must determine and maintain our own reality, those fig leaves become our security blanket. That is why it is so difficult to let go of our fig leaves. It gives us a false sense of security and a false sense of happiness that counteracts the fear of rejection and a fear of failure. Removing the fig leaves takes courage because it has given us a sense of identity. That safety blanket made from the fig leaves of self-determination, self-effort, and self-righteousness represents who we think we are, even if logic tells us, it is not true.
I had a false sense of identity therefore I lived a false life. But when Christ gave His life to me, I now had a new identity. But giving up on that false life was terrifying. Letting go of that blanket was a big part of letting go of the false self that I had lived for so long. To be honest, I would never have removed that safety blanket for anyone, except Jesus.
To remove our safety blankets for someone we must trust them to cover us with something far better because no one wants to lay bare with no covering. We would never let go of it without a very great exchange. In fact, you must know that whomever you are giving your safety blanket will exchange it for another reality that is stronger and deeper and safer and more fulfilling than the one you are giving up.
Giving my security blanket to my friend was really me giving it to Jesus. I see now as I write this that it represented way more than I realized at the time. That blanket represented an identity I had built my life around. For me to exchange an identity that I had built my life around for another identity that might cost me everything I ever knew, most importantly I needed to know He loved me unconditionally, then I needed not only Jesus to show love to me, but I also needed His integrity to BE LOVE. With what little I knew about Him at that time, the Holy Spirit was showing me that He was all these things and that He would help me to let go of this false security that I had for so long. I did not need it any longer.
That was the beginning of the fig leaves coming off my life. I was wrapped in a robe of righteousness, and He has always been determined to help me let go of my false self so that my true identity can come forth. He is committed to doing the same for you.